I'll Meet You There...

The Road to Eternity

On the 25th of June I lost my world stability. I lost my hope for global goodness, leaded by one person. Because this person left. Michael's heart stopped beating. The world stopped spinning.
***
Hello, Michael! How long has it been since I last remembered you? Your face? Your pure soul? It was so long ago! But I remember the first time I saw you - it was in TV, of couse, it was the "They Don't Care About Us" video. I was very little, but something was telling me that there was a very, very special thing about the person who was singing and dancing with such a passion on the screen. After that I saw another video of you, I can't remember which, but my childish brain printed on itself something that my girly nature wasn't able to understand at the time - that you were so very gorgeous! You were an angel in my eyes and thoughts, the only thing which was different was you hadn't wings. And then..
Everything turned into a dream. I heard of you, I didn't, I cared about you vividly, I didn't care, I knew what you were going through during those horrible accusations and at the same time I had no idea... I loved you and I didn't, I prayed for you and I didn't, I was interested in you and your personality and I wasn't... But I never stopped trusting you!!!
***
It is 24th of July, 2009. I can't sleep. It's 2 in the morning. I am sitting in front of the computer screen, searching for stuff. I opened a local forum. Suddenly a title hits me in the face: "Michael Jackson R.I.P.". What?! I don't believe it. I search on CNN. Oh my God, it is true. A cardiac arrest killed you. I don't understand, you can't just die?! You're immortal! I go to bed hoping this is all a bad rumour. Hoping, I fall asleep.
***
Morning of 25th. I switch on the TV, picking up the CNN channel. It's al over the news. It's true. It slapped me in the face. For God's sake, it's still slapping me. You're gone. It's true. I start losing perspective of reality. I can't figure out where I am. Tear drops start rolling down my face without me noticing them. I don't realize I'm crying. The world became a desert, as Music flew away to Heaven...
***
As I write these words, trying to remember the details surrounding that black date of the calendar, I can't hold myself and cry again. This is a nightmare. This is totally petrifying. Why did you have to go? Why didn't you stay?
I know how miserable you were. Even though you had your three children. Do you know how much they suffer? Come down from Heaven, Michael, and never stop watching over them!
The world is devastated, but it is thaught to appreciate something when it is no longer here. Now the world cries. I hope that it never stops crying.
***
A certain memory rings a bell right now. I was in another city for an exam. The hotel was small and cosy, and the whole beauty of the night in that city was marked by "Human Nature". You know, since your passing I've always tried to hold everything I feel for you inside. I cried cilently in bed the night before the exam, listening to that song, remembering all yours. Remembering you. I know you love "Human Nature" very much - you said it is a "music with wings". I perfectly understand your point. I felt it. I became the epitomy of it. I feel you everywhere, although you're not here anymore. And do you know what I hope for (I hope for many things)?
I hope this global pain manages to call you and drag you back here. Is it possible?... Within me, just like within many and many people, lives the fanatic idea of you being brought back from the dead somehow. Can I pray on that?...
***
I talk to you, Michael. You, magnificent, incredible child of God. Can you hear me?...
I didn't want to write anything to you and about you, because my thoughts of you are so scattered around the Universe... I can't bring them together. It's chaotic, what I feel about you. And surely what I'm writing right now cannot express even a small piece of my sorrow.
But I am afraid I will lose the memory of you, the image of you, the feel of you, the love of you... I feel like it's going to fall apart and fly away with the wind, fading like the sands of time...
I'm experiencing you everytime there is a magic around me - a sunset, a song, a smile, an embrace, children, a story... I miss you, Peter Pan. I dream of missing you forever, of remembering you until I die. I wanna see all the places you've been, I wanna go to Neverland and feel the energy of you there, imagining what it would be if you were there. I wanna walk the roads you walked, think your thoughts, and look at the world through your eyes. I wanna go to your grave and kiss your gravestone, leave some flowers, cry for a while and walk away.
I wanna meet you.
I wanna know you.
I wanna remember you.
Forever.
If there is life after death, if there is Heaven, this is where you should be. And I strongly hope and pray I will cross a road with you... That's why I believe you're there, somewhere... That's why I believe that it is not over. "To be continued", as they say. Until I fall on my knees and hold your legs, thanking God you're ALIVE.