По Кант...

"Човешкият разум има в един вид от познанията си особената съдба, че се измъчва от въпроси, които не може да отхвърли, защото са му зададени от природата на самия разум, но на които и не може да отговори, защото надхвърлят всяка способност на човешкия разум."

Кант


Питането за трансцендентното е било и ще бъде обект на внимание и цел за превземане от страна на човешкия разум. Търсенето на Смисъла все още играе основна роля в човешкото битие и си остава стремежът му за пълноценното и окончателно самопостигане.
Имануел Кант проблематизира природно заложеното ни влечение към сложното, към това, което е ОТВЪД. То е някакво трескаво безпокойство, някаква жажда за метафизичната истина; защото ако сетивността и разсъдъкът се задоволяват с наличните познания и априори, то умът е този, който винаги се е стремял да проникне зад тези граници, така стягащо затварящи света.
Според Ерих Фром разумът е "дар за човечеството, същевременно и негово проклятие. Той принуждава човека непрекъснато да се занимава с разрешаването на собствените му сами по себе си неразрешими проблеми" ("Природата на човека и неговия характер"). Но не е ли това тъпчене на едно място? Какво правим ние? Съзнанието ни е обременено от едно странно впечатление, което сякаш имаме по рождение - това за някаква мъглива, неясна отговорност, някакво особено себеочакване за стоицизъм, мъдри постъпки, опити за допускане на по-малко грешки и за повече правилни решения... За нас естественото заключение от впечатлението е достигането на абсолютното познание, затова сме приели, че е напълно нормално да изследваме онова, което е "по-свръх" от нас, например природата или идеята за Бог. При това го правим с твърде "крайна самонадеяност" според Паскал. Човешката несъразмерност, която той изважда на показ пред света, както и констатацията, че от въпроса "Какво е човекът в безкрая?" следва отговорът "средина между всичко и нищо" показват, че нашата най-висша възможна субстанция - разумът - е несъразмерна спрямо въпросите, които я измъчват, следователно е невъзможно да им се отговори, както е ясно и следствието, че нашата срединна човешка природа не може да познае крайното, а дума да не става за онова метафизично извън него! Дори средството, с което разумът си служи, за да познава и изразява познанието си - езикът - има своите предели. Според Витгенщайн не можем да назовем онова, което разумът не съумява да прехвърли от висшите нива в априорните форми: "За това, за което не може да се говори, за него трябва да се мълчи." Не можем да изричаме нещо, за което нямаме конкретно изваяна мисъл. Неща като отвъдното (задгробният живот), същността на душата, Бог, смисъла на живота, универсалните принципи и взаимовръзки в начина на съществуване на Вселената... Осмислянето на тези трансцендентални истини би било съвършената, абсолютната достатъчност в значението на човешкото битие. И всъщност това е целта, която човешкият разум се опитва да постигне. Само дето е обречен да бъде ограничен от собствената си крайност, непълноценност, затова е и предварително предопределен да изплъзва от обсега си безкрайното.
Наистина: в него има нещо специално, божествена частица, която ни отличава от зверовете (според Фром и Мирандола), но е очевидно, че в този живот на земята на човешкия разум е определено да бъде само предпоставка, зачатък, начало, лекичко докосване "едва" до същественото. Интересното може би идва след края на земното съществуване; така поне твърдят източните религии и философии. Ако приемем, че нашите "тук" и "сега" са просто моментни нива за самоусъвършенстване и че следващото ниво е отвъд смъртта, тогава можем да бъдем спокойни. Ще можем да пуснем разума по течението, за да се носи той към Абсолютното, заело измамващо близка позиция около нас. Оттук нататък, казва Кант, нещата ще могат да бъдат "в себе си", да ни се разкриват постепенно, а илюзията, че те са на ръка разстояние от нас, да осмисля функциите на разума и по-нататъшната му работа. По този начин сякаш Кант дава отговор на питането за смисъла на човешкото съществуване "тук" и "сега". Което, струва ми се, е напълно достатъчно.
Ако отново се вгледаме в поставения фрагмент ще установим, че започва и завършва с едно и също нещо: "Човешкият разум... човешкия разум." Като че ли в самото изказване Кант вече е несъзнателно оповестил пределите на познанието, което (може би по някаква воля Свише) имаме право да получим. Всяко значително знание започва и завършва в разума. Той е и началото, и краят, той е ПРЕДЕЛЪТ. Несъразмерната човешка средина спрямо Универсума, посочена от Паскал, дуалистичните, противоречиви лутания на Фром и непълноценността на езиковите средства за познание от Витгенщайн перфектно обобщават гениалната мисъл на Имануел Кант. Съвсем естествено е след такива разсъждения и след заключението, че на това "ниво" разумът е пределен, да се запитаме: " Какво следва за нас оттук нататък?!"... Най-правилният отговор на този въпрос е... не знам. Наистина. Не знам какво е било и какъв съм бил преди да се родя, не знам какво ще бъде и след като умра. Не знам. Но ще разбера какво има след живота, а това е нещото, което знам със сигурност.

The Apartment Upstairs

Me and my little sister were staying home alone a night ago, because our mother was out of town to work, and our father was abroad.
It was two in the morning and I was still in front of the computer, while my sister was sleeping in the bedroom with the lights on.
Finally I felt really sleepy and decided to go to bed. I turned off the kitchen lights and went to the bathroom. There was where I heard the water being flushed in the bathroom from the upper apartment. I thought nothing of it and went to the bedroom. Just as I put on my pijamas I remembered I didn't turn off the computer and went back to the kitchen. I turned it off and was about to leave the room, when I heard cracking steps from upstairs. In the kitchen above. I again thought nothing of it and went to sleep.
I heard them again, this time in the room above our bedroom. It was like a pair of step shoes was knocking on a hollow wooden floor.
I started to count, and shiver at the same time. First it knocked seven times. Then it reduced it to five times, then three, and the last knock was just once.
Suddenly an awful thought crossed through my mind - there was nobody in that apartment. There was once an old woman with her two sons, but now she was living in a village and the boys were abroad. Also, another horrible thought - I could hear the noise no matter the room I was in. Could this... thing, follow me in some way?! It knew in which room I was - first in the bathroom, then in the kitchen, and then - in the bedroom?!
I was cuddling in bed, scared by these things, when I realized the knocking had stopped. I counted 7, then 5, then 3, then 1... at an interval of two... And when I heard the last knock, I somehow knew what was going to happen - there was nobody there anymore. The person (or something) was coming downstairs!!!
Just as I thought that, I heard knocking on my front door. This was when my heart went down my spine. I was so afraid I needed to go to the bathroom. I was very worried about my sister who was sleeping so still. I went out in the corridor to check through the spy hole, but it was dark outside in the landing. But I could see a dark silhouette from the other side of the door. He was breathing heavily. I couldn't make a sinlge move!! I thought of a phone, but my bill wasn't paid and I couldn't make any calls. I felt so helpless and frightened, horror was bumping simultaneously with my heart.
I silently stepped back and went back to the bedroom. I woke my sister up and, trying not to scare her, explained to her that we must go to the kithen (the only room whose door can be locked). We went there, I locked the door and grabbed a knife.
I didn't fall asleep until dawn.
In the morning I went outside.
There were steps of muddy shoes on our doormat, so I called the police.
When they came, they found the upper apartment's front door wide open, with all the furniture upside down, all the place covered with muddy steps.
They haven't caught the person yet...

There were horses, and the rain...

One day I was coming back home from my village. I was with my grandma and grandpa, who was driving the car. The weather was rainy and grey.
As we were travelling down the road which takes us out of the village, I suddenly saw a horse running across the road from one field into the other (there were fields on both sides of the road; and there was nothing in them, so whoever enters can easily be seen). It was a blurred vision because rain drops were falling on the front glass of the car.
In the next moment a little pony followed the mother into the field!
I was a little astonished, as my grandparents didn't seem to notice them. I told to myself, "When we get closer to the place where I saw them entering, I'll check..."
We got closer to the place and... there was nothing there, absolutely NOTHING. How surprising!!!
We passed over the place, but there were no horses, no men, nothing. Just a vast empty field. How strange...
I still think these blurred images were Earthly elementals. I'm very interested in the Earth's spirits and I think that day I saw two of them.
They were taken just like from a fairytale. And they went back into it...

Dancing in the Moonlight...

My first real connection with the spiritual

On my way to a city I was reading a book about the five elements - fire, water, earth, air.
My zodiac sign - Taurus - belongs to the Earth. As I was reading about Earth's spirits - elves, fairies, etc., I felt a deep connection with them, especially with the elves. I could so vividly imagine their characteristics that I nearly saw them standing right before me... I felt my blood going warmer and warmer, and full of life.
I checked out an earth meditation with all Earth elementals. It was so magical!!! I could actually SEE everything perfectly clear in my head... I could see the two elves leading me into their world...
I was like I was having a family reunion, the bound with whom has been lost a long time ago.
I've read the whole book for about less than 3 hours, so I decided to relax myself in the train seat and try to have a nap.
Suddenly I heard somthing. It was like a very, very quiet music coming from my head. I opened my eyes and tried to figure out the exact location of the sounds but with no luck. I asked my boyfriend who was sitting next to me if he had been hearing the same. He denied. Then I became really worried. I thought I was hearing voices and that I was going insane. But as my attention scattered around I could not hear anything. I decided to concentrate and see what happens next.
And I heard it again.
It was more like a very soft singing with angels' voices, but so very quiet! I listened very carefully and suddenly it hit me - the train was passing through a forest. A FOREST... Where all the Earth creatures live... It was absolutely unique.
Then I remembered I said a prayer in my mind, asking for the ability to see them and communicate with them. It came true.
The train passed by the forest and little by little this angelic sounds turned into silence.
This is one of the most beautiful experiences I have ever had. I hope it will repeat again. Better this time...

There's NOTHING coincidential...

As I have written before, a human being CAN simply fall in love with a hotel room. This happened to me, too. Yesterday I came back from a city with an ancient history. It turned out I couldn't go back home the same day, so Ihad to stay in the same hotel. The receptionist gave me the key to room 8, and I was staying in room 9 the previous time. I told him that and he surprisingly said that room 9 was actually available. I was stunned...
In that particular room I discovered Michael's "music with wings". I played "Human Nature" again. It was like time had never moved forward...
It's funny how people are able to stay stuck in a moment which can last forever... Michael gifted me that ability. It's always amazing and heavenly to receive such a present from someone who's calling from the eternal times, isn't it?...

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I'll Meet You There...

The Road to Eternity

On the 25th of June I lost my world stability. I lost my hope for global goodness, leaded by one person. Because this person left. Michael's heart stopped beating. The world stopped spinning.
***
Hello, Michael! How long has it been since I last remembered you? Your face? Your pure soul? It was so long ago! But I remember the first time I saw you - it was in TV, of couse, it was the "They Don't Care About Us" video. I was very little, but something was telling me that there was a very, very special thing about the person who was singing and dancing with such a passion on the screen. After that I saw another video of you, I can't remember which, but my childish brain printed on itself something that my girly nature wasn't able to understand at the time - that you were so very gorgeous! You were an angel in my eyes and thoughts, the only thing which was different was you hadn't wings. And then..
Everything turned into a dream. I heard of you, I didn't, I cared about you vividly, I didn't care, I knew what you were going through during those horrible accusations and at the same time I had no idea... I loved you and I didn't, I prayed for you and I didn't, I was interested in you and your personality and I wasn't... But I never stopped trusting you!!!
***
It is 24th of July, 2009. I can't sleep. It's 2 in the morning. I am sitting in front of the computer screen, searching for stuff. I opened a local forum. Suddenly a title hits me in the face: "Michael Jackson R.I.P.". What?! I don't believe it. I search on CNN. Oh my God, it is true. A cardiac arrest killed you. I don't understand, you can't just die?! You're immortal! I go to bed hoping this is all a bad rumour. Hoping, I fall asleep.
***
Morning of 25th. I switch on the TV, picking up the CNN channel. It's al over the news. It's true. It slapped me in the face. For God's sake, it's still slapping me. You're gone. It's true. I start losing perspective of reality. I can't figure out where I am. Tear drops start rolling down my face without me noticing them. I don't realize I'm crying. The world became a desert, as Music flew away to Heaven...
***
As I write these words, trying to remember the details surrounding that black date of the calendar, I can't hold myself and cry again. This is a nightmare. This is totally petrifying. Why did you have to go? Why didn't you stay?
I know how miserable you were. Even though you had your three children. Do you know how much they suffer? Come down from Heaven, Michael, and never stop watching over them!
The world is devastated, but it is thaught to appreciate something when it is no longer here. Now the world cries. I hope that it never stops crying.
***
A certain memory rings a bell right now. I was in another city for an exam. The hotel was small and cosy, and the whole beauty of the night in that city was marked by "Human Nature". You know, since your passing I've always tried to hold everything I feel for you inside. I cried cilently in bed the night before the exam, listening to that song, remembering all yours. Remembering you. I know you love "Human Nature" very much - you said it is a "music with wings". I perfectly understand your point. I felt it. I became the epitomy of it. I feel you everywhere, although you're not here anymore. And do you know what I hope for (I hope for many things)?
I hope this global pain manages to call you and drag you back here. Is it possible?... Within me, just like within many and many people, lives the fanatic idea of you being brought back from the dead somehow. Can I pray on that?...
***
I talk to you, Michael. You, magnificent, incredible child of God. Can you hear me?...
I didn't want to write anything to you and about you, because my thoughts of you are so scattered around the Universe... I can't bring them together. It's chaotic, what I feel about you. And surely what I'm writing right now cannot express even a small piece of my sorrow.
But I am afraid I will lose the memory of you, the image of you, the feel of you, the love of you... I feel like it's going to fall apart and fly away with the wind, fading like the sands of time...
I'm experiencing you everytime there is a magic around me - a sunset, a song, a smile, an embrace, children, a story... I miss you, Peter Pan. I dream of missing you forever, of remembering you until I die. I wanna see all the places you've been, I wanna go to Neverland and feel the energy of you there, imagining what it would be if you were there. I wanna walk the roads you walked, think your thoughts, and look at the world through your eyes. I wanna go to your grave and kiss your gravestone, leave some flowers, cry for a while and walk away.
I wanna meet you.
I wanna know you.
I wanna remember you.
Forever.
If there is life after death, if there is Heaven, this is where you should be. And I strongly hope and pray I will cross a road with you... That's why I believe you're there, somewhere... That's why I believe that it is not over. "To be continued", as they say. Until I fall on my knees and hold your legs, thanking God you're ALIVE.

Some strange experience...

I had a friend who died of suicide a month ago. Since then I have been experiencing some really strange stuff; the electricity goes on and off at the point when I least expect it; I saw a ball of white light on my PC screen flying behind me from the window to the wall; doors opening and shutting without any heating. I'm astonished.